Why Yes, That is my Pink Elephant in Front of the Sausage Factory

There are good days and then there was Monday.

It is a surreal feeling, when you pull your car up along the sidewalk feeling a sense of euphoria for having found a 29" x 29" soft pink elephant napping blanket in front of a sausage factory.

It is an odd mixture of "is this really my life?" meshed perfectly with "there is a god, my children will be happy, I should start playing the Power ball, and do we need any sausage?"

You might be asking, how did you get there Bean? How did you get to the point where you were doing a recovery mission for a missing pachyderm? What sequence of events had you scanning the sidewalks of Stamford for the Little Lady's big nonnie?

Well let's just say it involved the bookstore, a bottle of water and breakdowns (a large one by the Lady and small one by me).

Let's just start by saying that I had an 8am dentist appointment. That right there doesn't bode well for the rest of the day.

I decided to get the Ladies out and about early. We took out the stroller and headed out towards the bookstore. I promised the Lady that we would see two more art sculptures of cats and dogs that we had missed.

The walk was uneventful. The Little Lady passed out. The Lady and I discussed the option of book buying.

We saw the animals. A sparkly cat and an IPhone inspired dog. We headed into Barnes and Noble.

Things started off well. There were plenty of Princess inspired books and toys for the Lady to peruse. There was also a stage on which she could do some of her amazing dance moves. Perhaps we danced too long?

We made a pit stop in the B&N bathroom. FYI. .. their toilets flush aggressively loud and I blame them for waking up the Little Lady. We then headed back to the kids section to pick out a book.

I tried to persuade the Lady to pick out something non-Princess related. This did not work. We found a book about Ariel, I picked out a new Sandra Boynton for the Little Lady and we took the elevator upstairs to find a book for me.

Why did I think that I would actually be able to look around and pick out a book for myself? What type of fantasy world am I living in? Anyway, I decided to buy the final book in the Stieg Larsson, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. I mean, I read the first two, but I didn't really want to commit to buying a hardcover, after some hemming and hawing, I decided to get it. However, the Lady decided that she had had enough and was ready to leave. She chose the moment right before we were heading to the check out counter to walk out of the bookstore into the mall.

This forced me to put the books down, leave the Little Lady sitting in the stroller and make a mad dash to grab my firstborn. She was not pleased. Neither was I.

I did the responsible parent thing and strapped her, screaming, into the stroller and walked out sans books. The crying continued down the elevator to the street level. It continued past the giant horses outside P.F. Chang's, it continued as we crossed over two streets and made our way home. And what was it that she was screaming? "I WANT MY ARIEL BOOK!"

At one point I had to stop the stroller and hold her. She was physically trying to launch herself out of the stroller onto the sidewalk, even though she was strapped in.

I tried to calm her down. I bribed her with fruit snacks. She seemed to be okay. She stopped crying. We passed Dunkies. I had to go in. I mean, I needed a small fix after that tantrum. I got a coffee and they threw in their complimentary munchkins. We were almost home.

As we rounded the corner onto our street, the Lady asked for a donut. I said no because she just ate fruit snacks. I told her she had to be a good listener, blah, blah, blah and that the reason we left the bookstore was because she wasn't listening. . . this wasn't a good idea. It just reminded her of Ariel and the screaming started again.

As we were walking up the driveway the Lady took herself out of her side of the stroller (no, I didn't strap her back in after I took her out) and climbed on top of the Little Lady. I now had two screaming kids. This yelling by the Lady did not stop. She sat on the path outside our door and screamed.

It was hot. I was tired. The Little Lady needed a bottle. I decided that if the Lady was going to sit there and scream, I should at least supervise her. I started to pour some Poland Spring into the bottle.

Apparently, the Lady was thirsty.

"I WANT THE WATER! I WANT THE LITTLE LADIES WATER!"

This went on for a minute or two and then things got physical. The Lady tried to pry the bottle out of my hands. She needed the water that was in the baby bottle, the leftover water in the water bottle was not sufficient. We scuffled. She started to growl. I finally was able to release her death grip on the baby's bottle and as I tried to shovel in the formula mix, the Lady found the rest of the water bottle and poured it over my head.

There are good days and then there was Monday.

I tried to keep it together. I finished making the bottle and sat on the stairs leading upstairs to our place, while the Lady stayed on the bottom of the stairs, still kicking and screaming about the water bottle.

I was finally able to coax her upstairs, throw some lunch at her and convince her that we needed to hit the streets in an attempt to find Effie the missing elephant.

I loaded the Ladies into the car. I was hoping we hadn't dropped it in the bookstore, because the Lady was only wearing princess undies. We pulled out of our driveway and started to retrace our route. I was hoping that no one was behind me, because I was driving like 7 miles per hour, trying to look behind parked cars for anything with a hint of pink.

And then, out of the corner of my eye, there she was. She was crumpled in a heap, just laying on the sidewalk, and that my friends is how I found the Little Lady's pink elephant in front of the sausage factory.

Apologies and Accolades

I just want to take a moment to formally apologize to my husband for the paragraph I wrote in my last post.

I am somehow uncertain this will be the outcome I am looking for. I am 100% sure that Wubbzy will be playing in the DVD player, but to be ready to go, without 15 extra trips from the house to the car, my husband giving me his not-so-subtle look of "Hurry up Honey, I am ready to explode here, even though you did all of the packing, organizing, cooking and cleaning it takes to get out of the house, and I just packed a bag for myself and put the Ladies in the car, so I can't understand why you aren't quite ready to go, when I am so CLEARLY ready to leave," might not be so obtainable.


I will say that he did take a little offense to that sentence. And why shouldn't he--the punctuation is pretty deplorable! I was just surprised he actually reads this blog.
 
Anyway, I will say that I am sorry. My husband stepped it up last week. He was responsible for the three B's on my list: Bagels, Beers and Balls (meatballs that is). He went out of his way to make sure that we had everything and he was responsible for actually fitting everything we needed (including the Ladies) into the car.
 
And if any of you have ever had to pack a froggy potty in your car, you know that it is tough to fit in a place that is accessible and is also not going to rub its froggy potty germs on anything.
 
One last thing. . . the Lady fell asleep about 15 minutes into the trip. I was able to switch off Wubbzy and finish my book in peace and quiet.

How Many Bottles of Vodka Does it Take to Pack the Car?

I have to think about packing again. We are heading off to our annual College Reunion/Poconos/total chaos/I wish we saw each other more--weekend in Masthope, PA.

 I have to pack for the Ladies.

 I have to pack for me.

 I have to pack the car.

  The problem I always seem to face is that we just have too much stuff. We also     have a large supply of "stuff we might need" but we may not.

 Case in point. We have a station wagon. It has a roomy trunk. In it I need to pack a pack & play for the Little Lady. This is a necessity. I do not want her in bed with me. We also need to pack a stroller. This too is a necessity. But then the question arises, do I pack the double stroller, which has a ton of man power, is great for walks (especially up those hills), and can accommodate both my lovely Ladies or do I pack the single stroller for the Little Lady, because the Lady is almost 3 and can walk and my husband is probably just going to drive up to the pool anyway in the car? Decisions. Decisions.

I have to pack a bag for the Ladies. I could pack one bag for each of them, The Lady in her "Lady"  personalized  bag and the Little Lady in her "Little Lady" personalized bag. But since the Lady only wears dresses, and only three specific dresses, I will probably just pack them both in one big bag. But .. . the Lady is well on her way to being potty-trained, we may need to bring her bag stuffed to the top with all of her undies, since she likes to have just the right amount of Princess/Dora/Tinkerbell undies on hand.

I have to pack the potty.

Then I need to pack all the linens/pillows/food/cookies/George fruit snacks/Caffeine-free Pepsi (for the hubby)/Box-O-Joe (filled with caffeine, for me)/booze and what amounts to like a thousand blankets and stuffed animals associated with both the Ladies (but mostly the Lady herself) and some toys to keep my kids and the additional 18.5 children who will be joining us, entertained.

Maybe I should get a mini-van, just for our stuff. Or maybe I should bring two bottles of Vodka with me instead of one.

I want to be organized. I want to be packed up on Wednesday night. I want to come home from work on Thursday, serve my family a simple, healthy and delicious meal, throw one little bag filled with the aforementioned bedtime blankets, my phone and our toothbrushes into the car. Plug in the DVD player, listen to Wow Wow Wubbzy for the 800th time and be one our way.

I am somehow uncertain this will be the outcome I am looking for. I am 100% sure that Wubbzy will be playing in the DVD player, but to be ready to go, without 15 extra trips from the house to the car, my husband giving me his not-so-subtle look of  "Hurry up Honey, I am ready to explode here, even though you did all of the packing, organizing, cooking and cleaning it takes to get out of the house, and I just packed a bag for myself and put the Ladies in the car, so I can't understand why you aren't quite ready to go, when I am so CLEARLY ready to leave," might not be so obtainable.

I have a list. I am good at making lists. I like crossing things off lists, but I am not sure everything on my list will actually fit in the car. I have to remind myself we will be gone for 3 nights. I do not need to bring 15 changes of clothes, since I am sure I will end up wearing two beach dresses, a sweatshirt and a college t-shirt from 1997 for most of the time I am there. The Lady we know, will be wearing three dresses and her bathing suits, and not for nothing, most of the time my kids are hanging out in nothing but a diaper or undies, so maybe I should just pack one outfit for each of them and call it a day. Besides, they have washer and dryers there.

That is it. I am scaling back. I will bring one bag for the Ladies and me. I will bring the umbrella stroller, I will pack only what we need and not what we "might need." I will be prepared, but not overly prepared. I will bring one bottle of Vodka. I will simplify my life and this trip, so that when we actually get there, I can hold more than a three second conversation with my adult friends. I will focus more on the people I am with than the crap in my car.

I will. . .  I will.. .

I will probably post a photo of what the back of the trunk looks like as we drive out on Thursday night, with entirely too much stuff jammed into the car, a look of annoyance on our faces, perhaps me sipping through a straw the dregs of lemon mash at the bottom of my Vodka soda, listening to the mind-searingly catchy Wubb-Girlz singing "Sing a song, sing, sing, sing along, sing, sing. . . " as we drive out onto the highway into the fading sun, on our way, finally on our way.

(Side note: if you get a chance check out the Wikipedia page about Wubb Idol--have you ever seen this many W's and Z's in your life? Also, I found a blog dedicated to Wow Wow Wubbzy songs--shoot me now.)

Back From the Beach, Part Two

We headed home from the beach last night, after taking an extended weekend trip that started on Friday and ended yesterday evening.

Here is a recap of the weekend:

Friday:

Realize that although you have left 90% of all the things you took up to the beach for an entire week at the beach house, that you still need to pack three more bags of crap.

Face the reality that by not running the dishwasher and doing the laundry the night before, you have dug yourself yet another time hole that will somehow bite you in the ass.

Try yet again to keep the bathroom door closed so you do not find the Little Lady pulling herself up on the toilet or putting her hands in the froggy potty.

Bribe the Lady with TV time.

In an attempt to put away laundry and get a little organized you try to restack the towels under the bathroom sink. This leads to the Little Lady, pulling out said towels and climbing under the sink. One positive note--you find the iron that your husband has been bitching about being missing. Where did you find it? Right where you told him to look.

Pay the cable bill, that has apparently been sent to your husband's alternate e-mail address and not to your actual mailbox, resulting in a letter from your TV provider saying if the bill isn't paid that service will be shut off.

Realize that you are sweating and need a shower, not to mention some serious leg shaving, you try to take one. This results in both of the Ladies coming into the bathroom and pulling back the shower curtain. Luckily, the Lady makes no pubic hair comments, but you are forced to disrobe the Little Lady and take her in with you in order to ensure that she stops trying to climb in herself. This leads to one clean baby, but no shaved legs.

Field a phone call from you husband, with the Little Lady screaming in the background. He asks how your day is going. You say, we are leaving in 10 minutes. He asks you to rummage through a suitcase for giftcards so he can buy jeans. Turns out, they are in his computer bag.


Almost ready? All the bags are packed and the girls are almost dressed but then the doorbell rings. It is your downstairs neighbor. Is there a leak in your bathroom? Because some water is dripping down into mine. How do you explain to someone who doesn't have kids that there is no such thing as taking a simple shower? That the reason that water has leaked out onto your bathroom floor, is because your kids are pulling the shower curtain to the side to talk to you, covering their heads with it and pulling it all the way back so that they get sprayed just enough to be wet and slippery and just enough that all of the water that isn't getting you clean, is ending up on your bathroom floor. Ugh.

Towel everyone off.

Put the Ladies in the car, with the AC running.

Put on Wubb-Idol.

Run back into the house to gather said bags of crap. Don't forget Dora blankie, green blankie, Big Gerry, Gerry and Moonie.

Throw them in the back.

Pick up your husband at his office.

Request coffee. Large coffee.

Hope for no traffic and sunny skies.

Saturday:

Get up early and get to the beach. This is really no problem at all because the Little Lady thinks that "waking up with the birds" should be lived literally.

Be grateful that the weather reports seem to be wrong and that even though it is overcast and a few drops have fallen that there does not appear to be torrential rain on the horizon as promised. This is even better considering that your grandparents are taking the ferry over to see the kids and that the house is already full with six kids and the countless adults who take responsibility for them.

Limit yourself to 3 Vodka sodas because you have signed up to run a 5k in the morning and you don't want to go in ill prepared.

Watch the fireworks!

Bed.

Sunday:

Get up a little groggy with the Little Lady at 6:15. Bring her downstairs as not to wake up the Lady. Have the Wild Woman join you a few minutes later, then the Lady. At 7:15 realize that you are in no shape to actually run. Go back to bed for 20 minutes.

Awake feeling much better. Put on running clothes. This drives home the fact that at 8 am it is already 84 degrees and you still have to run 3.2 miles. Hydrate.

Get picked up by other family members you have roped into joining you on this endeavor. Discuss the game plan of walking when necessary.

Make your way to the start line. Run.

At the first hill, after about a mile, get cheered on by your uncle who is sitting next to a guy with a garden hose spraying the runners. Be grateful for the cool water, the support and the fact that your running partner says that you are walking all the hills.

Keep running.

Try to stop thinking about throwing up. Try to stop thinking about how every time you have finished a race, prepared or ill-prepared that you have thrown up.

Walk the last hill. Wonder why the route isn't so clearly marked. Make a right, hope it is correct.

Recognize where you are on the course and that you are almost done. Keep running.

Make it to the finish without throwing up.

Find your husband, the Lady and the Little Lady. Hydrate.

Wait for your other family members who smartly walked the entire race.

Head back to the beach house for a "Criminal Minds" marathon and some sitting time.

Monday:

Why Little Lady? Why? It is 6 am. Seriously? Seriously? Bring her downstairs. Do laundry, clean the kitchen. Wait for everyone else to wake up.

Wait for the Lady to wake up at ten to 8. Try to get organized because you are meeting people for breakfast at 8:30 and it takes 15 minutes to walk there.

At 8:15 finally leave the house. Legs like lead, pushing Bunny and the Lady in the double stroller.

Five minutes from the restaurant, get a call saying that the place is closed on Monday, but there is another breakfast place, like a mile and a half away. Keep walking.

Eat breakfast.

Walk back.

Head to the beach. Head to the water park.

Keep telling yourself to shower, but don't, because really I am sure you don't smell after running the 5k and not showering and then walking another 5 miles in super high humidity.

Try to pack the car while the Ladies sleep. Oh, the Lady isn't taking a nap? Keep trying.

Hold down the Lady, so that your cousin can extract a splinter from the bottom of her foot that if not removed, might require a trip to the emergency room or at least the drs. office. Try to keep it together when the Lady is screaming "I need to take a little break!"

Aim for a 6pm departure time. Get a phone call from your husband reminding you that he has softball and that when you get home he won't be there to help you unload all the crap.

Look frantically for your car keys.

Find them.

Put in Wubb-Idol.

Stop for a coffee.

Realize that the Lady has fallen asleep. This bodes well for getting her down when you get home.

Turn off Wubb-Idol.

Listen to the Little Lady fuss and scream for almost an hour. Pull over. Feed her a bottle.

Drive home.

Unload the car, put the Little Lady to bed. Bribe the Lady with milk and TV. Do the laundry, unload the dishwasher, sweep up all the sand from the floor.

Eat a handful of peanut M&M's for dinner.

When your husband gets home from softball, have him deal with the meltdown that is the Lady. Tell him you want to take a shower. Have him hear "Why don't you take a shower?" and then get in himself.

Finally get the Lady down.

Finally take a shower.

Bed.

Today

Oh, Little Lady, I love you so. 7:45 am? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Happy! Happy! Happy!

 Happy 3rd Birthday to one of the Big Guys. As you can see he is one of the "5 of them" all born within about 6 months. I can't believe how big these kids are getting. We just want to wish him a great day! Happy! Happy! Happy!

Some Pics as Promised

Here are a few photos as promised. 

The 5 of them

Whatchu Looking At?

Bunny Gets her Face Painted

The Wild Woman

The Mad Man

The Lady in one of three dresses she has been wearing. Note the bunched up top. My husband tied a piece of ribbon around her so that the tube top wouldn't slip and the show the boobs. 

The Little Lady gets tackled by the Wild Man

Another blue-eyed beauty from MA.

The Newest Guy

Pops for Everyone!

The Lady sports some shades

The Big Guy, Bunny and the Lady at the Aquarium

The Wild Man chases the Lady at the Sock Hop

Cousins gotta hug!

Back from the Beach

We just got back from the beach last night around 11:30 pm. The late arrival home, had everything to do with the fact that 95 South was backed up all day long and also with the fact that if I didn't have to work today, I would have stayed through the weekend. I just wasn't ready to go. Our little condo, doesn't quite afford the space that we have at the beach house and the proximity to a park and some good early morning walking, really makes a difference.

We didn't hit much traffic coming home, but the late arrival didn't do much to make this morning a bright and happy one, especially since the Little Lady joined us in our bed around 4:15 this morning. I will say the one positive about leaving at 9:45 pm was that both the girls were sleeping before I hit the highway, and I didn't have to listen to Wow, Wow Wubbzy in Wubb Idol, one more time.

The Lady knows every single word and it is getting to be a bit repetitive.

I did leave it out for my sister to pop into the DVD player today, because it was 91 degrees out when I ran out to get milk this morning at 8:15, and I don't think any outdoor activity in our garage is going to go over that great today.

I will post some pics when I get home tonight and show you all the kids in their summer beach house glory. We had a great time and a busy week. Don't be alarmed at how tan the Lady is. She was out everyday covered in sunscreen, but lets be honest there were a few moments when she was wearing just a diaper or swimming totally nudie.