Waxing Philosophically

I am always looking at other people's eyebrows. I want to see how they maintain them and what shape they take. The difference it makes is real and that is why I implore you all to practice good eyebrow maintenance.

The thing is, I don't actually pay enough attention to my own. I am well aware of the benefits of a well maintained eyebrow and when I do actually get them done, I walk out of that salon feeling like I literally lost 10 pounds, but the reason my brows get so wild; so wild it seems like some mornings Bert isn't just singing on Sesame Street, but staring back at me from my mirror, is because I hate the tweezers.

I have absolutely no problem with the wax. I was on some seriously intimate terms with a Russian woman named Anna and an Ecuadorian woman named Alba for over a year when I was shelling out 60+ bucks a month for the Brazilian. However, things change and as much as I miss their practiced ease at talking to a half naked stranger while pulling hair from every nook and cranny of the area south of the border, I can get similar results at home for less money.

The eyebrows are a different story. I don't want to mess them up and when I get them done professionally I do try to maintain them as well as I can, but every so often you have to go back in to some random salon, lay down on a plastic covered table in some back room and face the tweezers.

I have a little panic attack. The wax is fine, it doesn't feel great but it is bearable, but when that small hand comes at me with its metal tweezers of doom, my stomach starts to hurt. My adrenaline starts to pump and there is no fight only flight. I have to remind myself that I had a baby, that I ran a five mile race, that there are things in life infinitely more painful then a tweezers on your brows, but I panic. I will kick my leg, squirm and yesterday I was crying a little bit and almost puked. I apologized to the girl and believe me I understand that in order for them to finish the look they need to tweeze, but it totally freaks me out and it never seems to go quickly.

I can tweeze my own brows with little difficulty but that takes time and patience and forethought, all of which I seem to lack these days. The $7 salon job is quick but it isn't painless and although I walk out of there relieved and well maintained I am not sure it is worth the absolute panic I endure. Panic that I have never felt about anything else in my life. Tweezers Torture? Who knew?