Dear Old Navy, RE: Smelly Jellies

Dear Old Navy,

I recently purchased a pair of your pink sparkle jelly sandals for the Lady. To say she was excited by this purchase would be an understatement. Anything pink, anything sparkle, anything shoe related has some immediate effect on her little toddler brain. This shoe purchase was actually a bit of an impulse buy on my part because we were returning a dress that she refused to wear, after picking it out herself on a prior visit. Since she had seen the jellies on our last visit and I told her that at another time we could get them and since we had the store cred--well we went home with the jellies.

Old Navy, I have to applaud you on your security/impressive sales technique of these shoes. You have them clipped together in such a way that it is virtually impossible to try these shoes on let alone walk around in them to see how they fit. In order to actually get a good sense of how they actually feel on the Lady's feet we had to purchase them. Bravo, Old Navy, Bravo.

Now, I will say that I have made plenty of purchases from you in the past. You do have easy, affordable clothing that I know will eventually fall apart in my washing machine, but in terms of comfort, style and my wallet have helped me round out my wardrobe and the wardrobes of my Ladies on many an occasion. In fact, I am looking forward to my post-partum days where I am wearing pretty much nothing but your tank tops and yoga pants as I try to maneuver the world of three kids.

I don't want to get too far off topic here, the real reason I am writing you is to let you know that your jelly shoes stink. They smell so bad that I am considering burying them in the backyard, however I am fearful that whatever chemical component these shoes are made up of may leech into the groundwater and contaminate my drinking water.

I mean are these shoes made out of glitter and toxic waste?

The info listed on the sole of the shoe says that they are made out of "other materials" it doesn't even say plastic on there. I mean is it horse parts and pixie dust? Seriously, I am concerned.

I am concerned for the people responsible for making these shoes are they losing patches of hair? Do the inside of their noses look like they have suffered from years of cocaine abuse? How are the delivery people handling the overwhelming stench coming off of these shoes as they open up the back of their trucks and unload? Are Old Navy employees complaining? Will they start wearing paper masks?

I will say that the smell was present in the store, but since it was a large place and since I wasn't quite sure where the source was, I bought the shoes. It wasn't until we got home that the sad reality set in. The Lady loves these shoes but the stench is driving me crazy. I have left them at the top of the stairs so they don't co-mingle with the Ladies toys or food preparation, but every time I walk in the door I am hit with the rank odor eminating off of these pretty pink shoes.

I know I am pregnant and have a heightened sense of smell, but I am worried that one day I will wake up and the Lady's feet will have absorbed the smell of these shoes and I will have to live out my days with the knowledge that I purchased smelly jellies for my kid and that it has permanently permeated her feet.

Where is the line Old Navy between affordable, cute and cool and purchasing items that may or may not be polluting the air and land outside the factory where these are produced and causing my gag reflex to go into overdrive every time I enter my house? Tell me where?

The other day in sheer desperation I opened the window and put the shoes on the ledge. The Lady wanted to know why her jellies were hanging out on the window sill. I told her that I thought they smelled bad. She took them down, fastened them to her feet and told me she liked the smell. I am pretty sure she thought I would get rid of them, but there is no way that anyone could like the smell of what I can only imagine is a cross between liquid ass molded into a shoe shape, combined with shimmer and the dreams of those factory workers somewhere in the depths of China who hopefully have access to nose plugs and some Glade room deodorizers.

In closing, I wanted to make you aware of the double-edge sword your store offers me and my family. You are so good at drawing us in with your great deals and campy ads, your affordable prices and your use of sparkle. However, at the end of the day, when the tags are removed and the shoes are off, I am left with nothing but a nagging feeling that I am a terrible parent because I have exposed my child to a product made of "other materials" and have brought a shoe into my house that has started to not only erode my sense of smell, but that has left me partially high on the sick, chemical stench, which I am pretty sure isn't great for my unborn kid.

So, Old Navy, until we meet again in a cramped dressing room, with the three to five beach dresses I will be purchasing to drape over my post-pregnancy body, I am yours in stank,

Bean