He Said/She Said: The Chauffeur

We packed up the car last Saturday, and headed up to my sister-in-law's for my nephew's birthday party. The ride takes almost an hour, so we strapped in the Ladies, threw on the DVD player (the Lady has switched allegiances from Wubbzy to Barbie--it is a totally different sort of hell), and started to drive.

I settled in at shotgun and opened my latest issue of Women's Health magazine. My husband chortled (in what I perceived to be a very condescending way) and told me that I should write a blog post on the fact that when we get into the car and I open a magazine that he becomes my chauffeur.

Well sweetheart, here is your chance to tell your side of the story. Even though this post is titled He Said/She Said, I am going first, because 1. it is my blog and 2. I want to.

She Said:

A lot of people can't read in the car. I can. A lot of people have free time during their day to sit back and leisurely flip through the pages of their favorite magazine. I don't.

Gone are the days where I can sit peacefully on the beach and digest my US Weekly, followed by a Life&Style, finished off by Star Magazine. All the while, studying the minute differences in the same exact photos published by each mag and living vicariously through the starlets as they romp in St. Tropez and drink coffee while picking up their dry cleaning. Oh Stars--you are just like US!

Now I take my free time when I can get it. The car rides, where you drive, are ideal for stealing away a bit of time for myself. The Ladies are strapped in and safe and I can focus on just the words in front of me.

The car rides, where you drive, are also occasionally, more frightening than I care to admit. To say you are an aggressive driver is putting it mildly. Although, I trust you to get us to our destination safely, I would prefer to bury my head in a magazine and not watch as you weave your way through traffic, curse out other drivers (I dare say my readers have NOT forgotten "fuck you doing?"), and focus more on what another driver is doing three lanes over and five cars ahead of us, then the car, breaking, in front of us.

I will admit that my US Weekly sometimes adds to your distracted driving, when I catch you looking at the photos as I flip the pages, however, this isn't a big enough deal to keep me from reading it while you drive.

I am just trying to take advantage of a little bit of downtime during the drive. Is that so wrong?

love and kisses,

Miss Daisy

He said:

I am not nearly as gifted a writer as my better half, but since I asked for this, here goes...

I have given my wife a hard time in the past about her penchant for reading a magazine when we go on a “long” car ride…and when I say long, that pretty much means anything over 15 minutes. She might as well say, “to the beach house Wadsworth” and close the Plexiglas divider between the two of us.

This used to be not such a big deal, but the Lady has taken to watching her portable DVD player on any such car ride. And, she takes after her father when it comes to the volume at which she watches TV and reciting the lines from all her movies. So, it’s useless to put on the radio. I basically drive the car and point out the inadequacies of the other drivers on the road. I’m there to provide my family with transportation to and from whatever our final destination may be. I feel like, once we arrive, I should stay with the car and make sure it is washed and waxed. Of course that’s after I carry all the bags (or what not) into our destination. This really isn’t a big deal; I’m more than happy to provide my family with a quick and safe ride…although my wife may disagree about the safe part. I will fully admit that on the rare occasion that my wife does drive, I’d spend the entire ride wondering why she went a certain way or how she could possibly get stuck behind a guy going 50 MPH in the left lane. But the other day; we were having a conversation for the first 5 minutes of our ride, and then all of a sudden I look over and she’s reading a magazine. Apparently, I didn’t understand that the conversation was over. I was boring the crap out of her with my inane dialogue and she had to turn to the pages of Women’s Health to save herself.

It’s sad to say, but I wish I could more consistently provide her reason for the ear to ear smile she has when on Thursday evening, after packing up the car and kids for a jaunt to New London, she returns from the mailbox with her US Magazine. I then know that she will enjoy her ride and have plenty to talk about with the other clan members once we reach Park Street. And should the fine workers from our government mail service not deliver that tabloid fodder, watch out, hell hath no fury like a woman denied her celebrity gossip.

I know my wife does more that I can possibly imagine, and I should not begrudge her this little luxury. I know that I am not the most gifted conversationalist, but next time give me a heads up that its time for a little magazine break. I’ll gladly go back to critiquing the poor driving around me or listening to the Lady signing along with Beyonce or Barbie.

Your faithful servant - Hoak

She (obviously) has one more thing to say:

I want to point out that the conversation we were having was about Avatar, a movie he had watched the night before and I hadn't seen. Riveting.

The Original Mom's Club

I was so grateful that I was able to meet up with 5 of my college roommates last weekend at LBI. That's right--Jersey baby, Jersey.

This is the 4th year that we have been able to pick a weekend (this process usually starts sometime in January, when we are all in a desperate state to get out of the house), convince our husbands that they can and should stay home with the kid or kids for the entire weekend, while we go to the beach, out to dinner and spend countless hours trying to cram in as much gossip magazine reading as we can. It is never nearly as much time as we need.

We have been lucky that between the births of babies we are still able to step away and decompress with each other. Unlike the online mom's group that I am a part of, or the smaller club that I am hoping to become more active in in the upcoming months. I don't feel judged, or anxious about having to forge a bond with these women, because they are the ones who have already seen me through the carbohydrate-fueled college days, the early years after college when nobody knew what they were doing (oh wait, that was just me), marriage and all the craziness that follows that decision and were there for me, when I finally joined the ranks of the mommyhood. They were and remain my ultimate mom's club.

I will say that since we all have kids, and all of us at this point a toddler or two, a lot of conversation revolved around them. When we did tire of the time-out talk, we moved onto our poor husbands at home, and the balance we hoped they were all striking, the sheer amount of attention given to the whole Jon and Kate + 8 drama, as well as anything that we found of interest in any one of the varying People, US Weekly, or Star Magazines.

We also did find a bit of time to talk about a few other things, which is nice because in about a month we are all getting together again, but this time with all the husbands and kids in tow. When we finally reach that weekend, it is good to know that between all the meal prep, swimming pool time and running around after the kids, that we already had a weekend, just the six of us where were able to catch up about each other because clearly we will have no time to sit down and just chat.

I am lucky that I have a group to lean on, to ask questions of and who know me well enough to give me an honest answer. Now, if we could all move onto the same block or next year stretch the weekend into a week. . .

Where Are You US Magazine?

I have been a faithful US Magazine subscriber for a while now. It is my weekly moment of Zen. It is my half-hour on a Friday night, when I can sneak away after the babes is sleeping and lose myself in the lives of people I will never meet, probably never see in person and who I can judge comfortably from the privacy of my own home.

Where are you US Magazine? As a subscriber I should receive my copy on Friday--Saturday at the latest. After that, not only am I mocked horribly at the grocery store check-out line when I see its bright, neon face, but the news is old. It is old! US sends me a daily link to their online site. I already know half the stuff the magazine is going to be talking about by the time it gets to me. Why can't it just get here on time? Monday starts a new week and I am busy. Tuesday? I might as well just use it to line my neighbors cat box, by that time even my grandparents are up to speed on the celebrity circuit.

I only live 40 minutes from where their office is located. I am thinking about taking a late afternoon drive. One small window of time is all I ask for. I am not asking to read a short story or God forbid an entire novel every week, just one glossy tabloid rag that I can whip through in 25 minutes, a little brain candy for a busy mom. Please. Please. Please be in the mailbox today.