Monday, July 20, 2009

Fuck You Doing?

I live with a parrot and as most of you know I hate birds. However, this parrot is not of the feathered variety but a very cute 21 month old who is at the point in her life where she repeats everything she hears.

She must ask me 15 times a day "Mommy you doing?" to which I usually reply driving, dishes, laundry, hanging out with my little Lady, etc. . . she then repeats the last thing I say and then asks over and over again what I am doing. I know she is just building up her vocab and it is really great that she talks so much because it makes my life much easier. Today she has a little fever. Her 2 year molars are coming in and when I went in her room 15 minutes after I put her down for her nap she told me "sick, medicine" then I realized it was actually time for some more Motrin, proceeded to pump her full of it and am hoping for a long nap!

However, the problem lies when she not only repeats everything but doesn't forget anything that she has heard.

Case in point. We are driving back from the beach last weekend. The Lady had passed out in her car seat for the first 45 min or so of the trip, but has just woken up. We are about 25 minutes from home and she is getting restless in the back seat. Traffic is backed up, it is like a hundred degrees outside and she is insisting on taking on and off her shoes. I cannot turn around because my belly is so big so my husband is continually trying to fix her shoes while driving.

Now, some of you have had the pleasure of driving with my husband. I wouldn't say that I don't feel safe per se. . . it is just that some days you have to pray a little bit when you are sitting shot gun and a little bit more when you are in the back. He isn't a bad driver, but sometimes he is just overly aggressive and a little too concerned with what other people are doing on the road. He also reaches back and puts on a two year old's shoes while driving in traffic on 95, sometimes answers e-mails on his blackberry and every once in a while will make a left hand turn on a red arrow.

Anyway, because he will eventually read this post--in about three months, when he finally gets around to checking this site, I will say that I love him and I am grateful for all the times he has gotten me home safe and sound. I will also say that he has a slight case of road rage and doesn't realize how often he curses while he drives, so when he yelled out "What the fuck are you doing?" to some random driver on 95, the parrot in the backseat repeated it. The two of us of course thought this was funny. She only said it the one time and we knew she didn't have any real concept of the words she was using. She was only repeating what she had heard.

I didn't think anything more of it until the other day when I was at my parents house. The Lady and the Wild Man both have Cozy coupes at their grandparents house and when the Lady and I arrived, she of course pointed out "mines" and got in. What I wasn't prepared for was when she beeped the horn and said "fuck you doing?" At first I wasn't sure if I heard what I thought I heard. Not only did she remember what my husband said, she remembered that it took place in the car. I called him immediately at work and then told everyone in the house.

A few hours later the Lady and the Wild Man were in their respective coupes. I was trying to read the Arts section of the Times. My parents and my brother were watching the kids and the Lady, just to make sure that everyone heard her, and to actually confirm my fear that she not only remembered what my husband said but remembered the context, beeped her horn and said "fuck you doing?" about three times in a row.

What do you do when that happens? Laugh, of course, but behind the newspaper or a closed hand, or by turning around, but how do you discipline that? I asked her what she said and instead of repeating what she said, she just repeated my question to her back to me. So I left it alone that is until we get back in the car. . .


  1. That is hysterical! We have had some of the same incidents and it is pretty funny but like you said, you do try to hide the laughter from the little one who said it!

  2. Thankfully the Wild Man did not pick up on it. I would have a hard time explaining that one.

    I will also have to agree that driving with your other half is not a relaxing ride to say the least. I seem to find God everytime that I am riding with him.

  3. This is the best thing ever and I will be wildly disappointed if this doesn't last through the coming weekend. I love it!

    I'm very disappointed in your man and his driving situation. I'd never act or use language like that. ;)

  4. Let's try not to encourage her this weekend! Hopefully, no one will be bringing a cozy coupe. Maybe she can drive the kegarator around though!