Our nanny is away for three weeks.
She came to the U.S. as an Au pair three years ago and hasn't been home since.
She got her Green card at the beginning of November and flew back to Brazil to surprise her mom.
Every time we talked about her plan to go home without anyone knowing she was coming, I started to cry because everyone should have a surprise like that in their lives and I was so happy for her and for her family. She told her mom she was sending a package and then had a friend get a giant box that she could jump out of when her mom opened the door. Tears.
The problem of course is that I am without a nanny for three weeks.
In typical Three Bean style we are winging it.
It would have been nice if work had granted my request to work from home a few days a week, but they didn't and they continue to be less than accommodating to a mom of three who just so happens to have Stage IV cancer. Oh well, more on that another day.
What I am grateful for is the fact that my mom will cover two days a week and one of my little sister's good friends will cover the rest. My husband is stepping it up in the morning routine and is also responsible for pre-school pick up and my sister took QT one morning to help out. I am grateful that she will be away over Thanksgiving and that next week is a short week. But as usual things are usually always easier said than done.
Between pick ups, swim, gymnastics, the bus stop and trying to balance not taking advantage of my mom, explaining the logistics of our lives to someone new, and still trying to get to work on time, I realize how lucky I am to have our nanny, someone who cares about my kids, someone who knows our schedule, knows the crazy that is our lives and who still shows up in the morning even if the kids were rotten the day before.
But you know what? I still wish it was me. I wish I didn't have to leave QT crying "I want you momma." I wish I wasn't stopped by the Lady's teacher in the hallway one morning this week--as I attempted to pick up the Holiday Wish Stars in the office for families who need a little help this holiday season, drop off the bag of food for the food drive and leave the plates and napkins for the Lady's Thanksgiving feast--and have her tell me that the Lady is fine once she gets into the classroom and that she knows the mornings are hard and that "she just wants you."
I'd like to think that the Little Lady also wants me, but every time I have the opportunity to drop her off or pick her up she likes to tell me that she prefers it be her dad (and she would prefer to only be picked up in Minnie-Ru, I guess the old "green car" as we call it isn't good enough for her!). However, I would love to spend a little more time with her, even if it is only for when she tries to correct my pronunciation of "Jared" a boy in her class and "Ratatouille." I think I say Jared with a bit of a NY accent, while she prefers a softer first syllable pronunciation. Her faux French accent on Ratatouille is amazing though.
I think this last year has taught me the lesson of time. It has taught me that things will not always go according to plan and that you can do one of two things--give in or take control. I am trying very hard to do the second. I am trying very hard to put the focus on what is important to me and what I can do to make sure that I use as much of my time to make sure that my needs are met and those of my family are as well.
My nanny will be back two days after my husband leaves for his annual two week work event in California. (Panic! We might get a Christmas tree before he leaves--do I want a living Balsam Fir in my house for a full month? More on this later) I am hoping she had an amazing time. I am hoping her mom realizes what an amazing daughter she has raised and that even though she hadn't been home in three years that what she is doing here is unbelievably important to me.
I am also hoping that sometime soon I can say that I have figured out a way to make things work for me that I have taken control and that the needs of my family come first. I hope to be blogging from my kitchen table, dodging QT's baseball bat that he shouldn't be playing with in the house and making my own pre-school pick up run (in Minnie-Ru of course).
I hope that I can answer that "I want you" with "I am here."