Dear FaceTime, Please Filter Me

Dear FaceTime,

I want to start off by thanking you for how easy you are to use. Since my hubby has started traveling again we have been able to use you to help the kids keep in touch.

The Ladies are considered pretty adept at iPad usage and can now FaceTime with ease. Both Ladies have FaceTimed me at the office to tell me about their school day and they are often asking about when they can use you again. QT gets so excited when he sees his dad's face on the screen that he can't keep his hands off the thing. He just points to the screen and repeats "dada" over and over again. Sometimes he hangs up on him, but mostly he just puts his little face on that filthy screen and gives him big, big kisses.

It is incredibly heartwarming and has made the sometimes difficult aspects of my husband traveling easier on both him and the kids.

Can I just ask one thing of you FaceTime?

Would it be at all possible to put some sort of filter on the screen? I mean Instagram does it to phenomenal success.

When my face pops up on that screen, I want to look away, but I cannot. I am so transfixed on how I appear on that screen that I find myself moving it in minute detail to get the best angle. It is bad enough that I look tired, a bit worn and worried in my everyday life, do you have to magnify it?

Look, I get it, we aren't using super high tech cameras here, and I realize that the one person who I am FaceTiming the most with is the one person who has seen me at my very worst. This man has seen me birth human beings, and I know that wasn't too pretty, but would it kill you to just add some sort of layering device? Perhaps something subtle, something that just takes out a few of the wrinkles, makes my skin tone look somewhat even, gives me hope that this guy might actually want to get back on the plane home to see me.

I guess I could try makeup or maybe brushing my hair, but at this point I think that I would prefer my image to be projected in one of those "photo booth" options that makes me look like a circus sideshow act rather then what you are offering now.

"Kaleidoscope" effect from the photo booth app.

Let me know. I would be more than willing to test out any new filters as my husband will be out of town again soon.

Yours wearied and wrinkled,

Bean

Day Two: On The Road

I am making this post quick. I am actually hoping to shower and get out of the hotel in the next half hour. My husband took the Ladies down to breakfast and QT has fallen back asleep.

To say that the Ladies were excited to get here would be an understatement. I have never seen so much exuberance over a hotel room. We didn't get here until 11:35 and they both woke up, ran around the room, smelled all the soap and shampoo and jumped on the bed. We put them on the pull out couch together, which was at first a tangle of feet and nonnies but at some point after 12:30 they must of fallen asleep. This was of course after the Little Lady once again insisted she had to go to the bathroom when in fact, she did not.

QT slept until a little after 3, so at least I was able to string over two-hours of sleep together. We still have a few stops to make (first stop: Dunkies) and then we will once again be on our way.

How Many Bottles of Vodka Does it Take to Pack the Car?

I have to think about packing again. We are heading off to our annual College Reunion/Poconos/total chaos/I wish we saw each other more--weekend in Masthope, PA.

 I have to pack for the Ladies.

 I have to pack for me.

 I have to pack the car.

  The problem I always seem to face is that we just have too much stuff. We also     have a large supply of "stuff we might need" but we may not.

 Case in point. We have a station wagon. It has a roomy trunk. In it I need to pack a pack & play for the Little Lady. This is a necessity. I do not want her in bed with me. We also need to pack a stroller. This too is a necessity. But then the question arises, do I pack the double stroller, which has a ton of man power, is great for walks (especially up those hills), and can accommodate both my lovely Ladies or do I pack the single stroller for the Little Lady, because the Lady is almost 3 and can walk and my husband is probably just going to drive up to the pool anyway in the car? Decisions. Decisions.

I have to pack a bag for the Ladies. I could pack one bag for each of them, The Lady in her "Lady"  personalized  bag and the Little Lady in her "Little Lady" personalized bag. But since the Lady only wears dresses, and only three specific dresses, I will probably just pack them both in one big bag. But .. . the Lady is well on her way to being potty-trained, we may need to bring her bag stuffed to the top with all of her undies, since she likes to have just the right amount of Princess/Dora/Tinkerbell undies on hand.

I have to pack the potty.

Then I need to pack all the linens/pillows/food/cookies/George fruit snacks/Caffeine-free Pepsi (for the hubby)/Box-O-Joe (filled with caffeine, for me)/booze and what amounts to like a thousand blankets and stuffed animals associated with both the Ladies (but mostly the Lady herself) and some toys to keep my kids and the additional 18.5 children who will be joining us, entertained.

Maybe I should get a mini-van, just for our stuff. Or maybe I should bring two bottles of Vodka with me instead of one.

I want to be organized. I want to be packed up on Wednesday night. I want to come home from work on Thursday, serve my family a simple, healthy and delicious meal, throw one little bag filled with the aforementioned bedtime blankets, my phone and our toothbrushes into the car. Plug in the DVD player, listen to Wow Wow Wubbzy for the 800th time and be one our way.

I am somehow uncertain this will be the outcome I am looking for. I am 100% sure that Wubbzy will be playing in the DVD player, but to be ready to go, without 15 extra trips from the house to the car, my husband giving me his not-so-subtle look of  "Hurry up Honey, I am ready to explode here, even though you did all of the packing, organizing, cooking and cleaning it takes to get out of the house, and I just packed a bag for myself and put the Ladies in the car, so I can't understand why you aren't quite ready to go, when I am so CLEARLY ready to leave," might not be so obtainable.

I have a list. I am good at making lists. I like crossing things off lists, but I am not sure everything on my list will actually fit in the car. I have to remind myself we will be gone for 3 nights. I do not need to bring 15 changes of clothes, since I am sure I will end up wearing two beach dresses, a sweatshirt and a college t-shirt from 1997 for most of the time I am there. The Lady we know, will be wearing three dresses and her bathing suits, and not for nothing, most of the time my kids are hanging out in nothing but a diaper or undies, so maybe I should just pack one outfit for each of them and call it a day. Besides, they have washer and dryers there.

That is it. I am scaling back. I will bring one bag for the Ladies and me. I will bring the umbrella stroller, I will pack only what we need and not what we "might need." I will be prepared, but not overly prepared. I will bring one bottle of Vodka. I will simplify my life and this trip, so that when we actually get there, I can hold more than a three second conversation with my adult friends. I will focus more on the people I am with than the crap in my car.

I will. . .  I will.. .

I will probably post a photo of what the back of the trunk looks like as we drive out on Thursday night, with entirely too much stuff jammed into the car, a look of annoyance on our faces, perhaps me sipping through a straw the dregs of lemon mash at the bottom of my Vodka soda, listening to the mind-searingly catchy Wubb-Girlz singing "Sing a song, sing, sing, sing along, sing, sing. . . " as we drive out onto the highway into the fading sun, on our way, finally on our way.

(Side note: if you get a chance check out the Wikipedia page about Wubb Idol--have you ever seen this many W's and Z's in your life? Also, I found a blog dedicated to Wow Wow Wubbzy songs--shoot me now.)