When Well Visits Make You Sick.

The Little Lady had her six month check-up yesterday. Here is a rundown of our visit.

10:43 a.m.: Pull into the parking lot for a 10:45 a.m. eye appointment and an 11:00 a.m. doctors appointment.

10:44 a.m.: Circle the parking lot looking for an open space that is not taken up by piles of snow or that is not a handicapped space.

10:44:30 a.m.: Pray that the spot we pulled into is legal and unload the Ladies from the wagon

10:47 a.m.: Fumble in the diaper bag for my checkbook, while the Lady climbs a chair to look at the fish and we wait for the person at the counter to make a follow-up appointment

10:50 a.m.: Check in and get notified that our copay has gone up $10 and that we have to pay an additional $15 for past appointments.

10:52 a.m.: The Little Lady gets called into the office for her eye exam. We are taken to a room not much larger than a closet, where I am supposed to fit me, the Lady, the Little Lady and a nurse. Luckily, the nurse finds a spot for the infant carrier outside the room.

10:53 a.m.: The Little Lady has three electrodes affixed to her head and a pirate eye-patch over her left eye.

10:53:10 a.m.: The Lady stands next to me in the corner, head down, hair covering her eyes, pouting because she wants to do the eye test. Giving her a pirate eye-patch does nothing to stop the pouting.

10:55 a.m.: After switching the eye-patch to the right eye, the Little Lady is done. All of us exit the tiny room and move into an exam room down the hall.

10:58 a.m.: The Little Lady is stripped down to her diaper and proceeds to spit up all over my sneaker and the floor. The Lady finds a Blues Clues book to read, but complains about wanting this to be her Drs. appointment. I find a wipe, clean the Little Lady, my sneaker and the floor.

11:05 a.m.: The nurse comes in and does the Little Lady's measurements. She is 15.2lbs and 24 3/4 long.

11:08 a.m.: I check my phone because I got a missed call from my brother. The Lady wants to color. I sit her in a seat with her princess coloring book and some colored pencils. This lasts for about 3 minutes.

11:10 a.m.: The Lady wants a snack. Luckily I brought the fruit snacks.

11:15 a.m.: The Little Lady is still nude and I am trying to distract her with some toys, she wants the Blues Clues book that the Lady is back to reading. This isn't going over well.

11:20 a.m.: We play I Spy. The Little Lady drools all over me and the floor. I was unaware that something this little could produce so much saliva.

11:30 a.m.: It is getting hot in here. Have they forgotten us?

11:40 a.m.: I check my phone again. Really? Really? We have been in this room for over a half hour waiting. Things are starting to come apart.

11:41 a.m.: The doctor finally arrives. The Lady refuses to say hello to him and plays shy. The Little Lady seems to tolerate the exam pretty well. I get my questions answered and told that the Little Lady will need four shots and an oral vaccine.

11:54 a.m.: The doctor leaves.

11:58 a.m.: The Lady is breaking down. She opens the door and tries to escape to the waiting room to see the fish. This results in her laying on the floor outside of the room, crying. I put the Little Lady in the carseat, and try to scoop the Lady off the floor.

12:00 p.m.: I give the Lady a juice box, which she squeezes and spills all over her. I try to towel her off. Did I mention that we have people coming to the house at 12:30? Ugh.

12:03 p.m.: The nurse finally arrives.

12:05 p.m.: The Little Lady is screaming.

12:06 p.m.: The nurse takes the Lady to get a sticker. I start packing up.

12:07 p.m.: The Lady comes back with a Ni Hao Kai-Lan sticker.

12:09 p.m.: The Little Lady is getting cranky, she starts to cry again. I throw the Lady's jacket on, grab all of our crap and follow her out the door. Apparently, she needs another sticker.

12:10 p.m.: We sift through the basket of stickers by the door, the Lady takes two more as I try to usher her out the door.

12:14 p.m.: Everyone is strapped in and we head home, an hour and a half after we arrived. I am sweating, covered in spit-up and drool, and super anxious that we are not going to make it home before the people coming at 12:30 arrive. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.