Thursday, January 14, 2010

The Shy Pee--Or Why My Life Would Be Easier If It Didn't Take Three Attempts to Do One Thing

So, I just walked into the bathroom at work and the cleaning lady was in there. For many of you this probably wouldn't be considered an issue.

As soon as I opened the door and saw the giant garbage can in the middle of the room, I knew I wouldn't be able to pee. My initial reaction was to just turn around and leave the bathroom, but I thought that might seem too weird. I mean how many people walk into a bathroom and then just turn around? So, I actually went through the motions, opened the stall door and tried to pee, the whole time listening to the woman go about her work and hoping that she might leave in the next thirty-seconds so I could actually empty my bladder.

She didn't leave. I flushed (to continue the facade) and walked back to my desk. I don't know what the problem is. Am I embarrassed that this random woman might hear me pee? God forbid I get a little gassy. For someone who is so enthralled by bathroom humor, you might think it easier to actually go in public. It isn't.

So now, after drinking an entire water bottle, I still have to pee but don't want to get up from my desk again because I don't want the people sitting around me to wonder where I am going.

This is the reason it takes me a thousand years to get things done. I think I have to let go of the fact that anybody is even paying attention to what I am doing. I have to just get a little bit more self-assured and actually go to the bathroom when I am in there, rather than turning it into a thirty-minute process where I end up sitting cross-legged at my desk practicing my Kegels.

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