Friday, November 21, 2008

Really Ashlee Simpson? Really?

Ashlee Simpson why? Why did you have to join the long line of celebrity parents who feel that the only way their child can be unique and special is if they have the worst name ever.

I love the birth of a baby. It is awesome and crazy and parenthood is filled with really, really good days and ones you just wish would end. I would like to think that I would never judge Ashlee on her parenting skills because today the Lady watched too much TV and I gave her like 15 hundred crackers. But she named him. . . Bronx Mowgli. WTF?

First of all Bronx? Have you been there lately Ashlee? It is no Brooklyn, an equally ridiculous kid name but one that works much better for the Beckham's than Bronx will work for you. Was he conceived there? And if so, I would actually like to hear that story, but I digress. Here are a few reasons why Bronx is a terrible name for your kid.

1. Nobody says just Bronx when they talk. Everyone says The Bronx. If I stopped someone on the street and said "Where is Yankee Stadium?" Everyone who answered me would say The Bronx. If I asked where Shea Stadium was everyone would just say Queens. It just flat out sounds wrong.

2. Nothing really rhymes with Bronx. When you are a mom you are required to know songs to sing to your kid. You are also required to fit their name into the song wherever possible and if it rhymes all the better. What rhymes with Bronx? Sconce? How many kid songs are about interior decorations Ashlee? How many?

3. Bronx Wentz is hard to say. Repeat it to yourself three times in a row. I guarantee you will get tongue tied. God forbid the kid has a lisp.

4. His middle name is Mowgli. I love the Jungle Book too, but you would have been better off actually naming him Mowgli or just making his middle name Kipling. Why not give him a middle name that is sort of normal so if he decides later in life he doesn't want to go by Bronx, he could at least fall back on his middle name?.

Ashlee, your life is about to change, you have already made one bad parenting decision and I am sure you (like the rest of us) will make many more. So all I can say is good luck to you, Pete and The Bronx.

Other Awful Celebrity Baby Names

Pilot Inspektor
Kal-El Cage
Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette
Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale
Suri Cruise
Hermes (not sure of his last name but his mom is on Gossip Girls)
Apple and Moses Martin

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