Thursday, November 6, 2008

Victoria Tell Me Your Secret

I went bra shopping the other day. The Lady and I wheeled our way into Victoria's Secret and looked around. I haven't bought a new bra since before the Lady was born, when my already ample bosom started to blossom a bit more and I purchased three bras from Macy's.

I wore those three bras, and then an additional two nursing bras pretty regularly for months. I am always reading that most women are wearing the wrong size bra. I am also reading that the shelf-life for these contraptions are only about 3-4 months. 3-4 months? I have bras in my drawer from like 5 years ago, granted they are of the lacy, frilly nature that I probably don't really fit in, are kind of scratchy, and are designed more for their visual punch then actual comfort, and I rarely wear them.

I decided to be measured and, once and for all, find a bra that lifts, separates, smooths, and minimizes all types of back fat and overspill. The very nice saleslady informed me that this was her third day working at VS and her first time measuring anyone. Great. I slid out of my fleece and stood open armed in my little grey tank top, grateful that I had actually showered and shaved that morning, as the woman measured away. I have what could be described as a broad back. I probably could have been a really good swimmer or a starter on the Giants offensive line. I guess we all have our cross to bear.

I had two bras in my hand, same bra, different size. One of them fit the measurement that the woman gave me, one of them fit the measurement of the bra I was wearing. I am not sure if the girl saw that I had two bras or not, but she handed me a padded bra to try on. Why would you hand a D-cup a padded bra? I am looking for support, not Dolly Parton like exposure. Plus it was super frilly and lacy and totally inappropriate for anything but a quick strip tease or an anniversary.

So I am in the big dressing room with the Lady in her jog stroller. We have maneuvered our way into a tight corner and once again I find myself in a dressing room that is like 500 degrees. I know this is gross, but I literally had to wipe my boob sweat with my tank top and let the girls hang loose a bit before I dare tried anything on.

First I tried the lacy, padded bra. Um. . . not so much.

Then I tried on the bra in the size the woman told me I was. Also, not quite right.

Finally I tried on the same bra in the size I came in wearing and . . . I am not sure how to describe the bio-fit by Victoria Secret. The closest I can come to verbalizing it is by saying that it felt like a hug from Jesus. It felt like Jesus enveloped me with comfort and understanding. A welcoming embrace that spoke "Girls, let me carry your burden a bit."

Oh ladies welcome home.

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